I'm not dumb: Katrina Kaif

This interview was done for Times Of India
It's quite long, may takes you 10 minutes but I find it quite interesting and show that Katrina is a simple girl, who works hard to sustain herself.

--->Katrina: On screen, obviously, I do work to look glamorous, that is my job and looking that way is my presentation for my job. But I don't go to bed like that.
Off screen and in my everyday life, however, I don't want to walk around like that. Whoever wants to be my friend or would like to come near me for any reason, I want them to see me. I don't want them to see a person like that. That's not me.
I see some women walking in for a dinner with coordinated watches, handbags, shoes, and they're stunning ' and I'm like, how do they DO that? Because if I have to go out like this with my friends or sisters, my outfit would be probably all of five thousand rupees. I'm not one of those naturally stylish people. I'm basic, and I don't honestly believe that all that adds to your attraction. Yes, you may turn more heads when you walk in through the door, but in the long run, it is what you inherently are that is gonna speak for itself.
And the other reason why it will never be part of me is because while growing up, I never felt attractive at all. I never got any attention in school. I don't know why. When I tell that to people here, they find it so unbelievable, but I just didn't. I came here when I was 18, so before that, 17, 16, 15, the normal years when girls in college are having fun, not that I was trying to be a goody-goody girl, boys were just not interested in me. I was not that 'popular, beautiful girl' in school. So those basic feelings are too deep rooted in me. Now, of course, I will definitely try to accept a compliment and be happy, and be very, very grateful that people would think that way. But it's not my natural, inbuilt impression of myself.
Attraction is something which anyways happens on a very different level. The initial impression ' you see a beautiful woman wearing high heels and a beautiful dress and looking stunning ' that initial attraction, it is not even worth spending too much time talking about. An attraction that would be worth anything, that would mean anything, would not happen like that. That person can be wearing chappals and track pants and a t-shirt and you will make the connection if you have to.

--->Interviewer: For such a recognizable face, there's a lot of stuff about you which is not known.

--->Katrina: I think everything about me is already known... or it must be? Sometimes, you presume also that a lot of stuff is known, while it is not... There's a lot written about us, but I sometimes think 90% of what is written is very superficial. I like to think that sometimes that other side of us, people would like to know of that too, that they are not only interested in hearing the more sensational side of journalism. There's more to most of us than that side which is often portrayed, you know. We don't actually go from one set to another randomly having connections and affairs. Everything's not sensational. There is also a very normal side to us, a basic working to securing your future approach.
I imagine that a simple person, say, working in a restaurant, switches on the television at night and watches one of those glamour shows ' what he sees from those, his opinion of me ' I couldn't even dream of. Or the person they must cut me out to be in their mind ' I sometimes wonder if that resembles anything that I actually am.

--->Interviewer: We've never seen a family photograph of yours?

--->Katrina: None of my family are involved in the glamour industry in any way at all, except for my younger sister who's studying acting. She's trying to find her way, is involved in off Broadway plays, theatre. She's happy, she's in New York, and when she comes here, I don't mind her being photographed with me. But my other sisters ' they're quite reluctant, they don't like it, and if someone's standing with me and a mediaperson or a fan comes and says, come, come, let's have a picture, they don't really like it. I always discourage that and request people, please don't ask her to pose along with me, she's not an actress, it's not her obligation.

--->Interviewer: Have you ever been to your father's hometown, it's believed to be in Kashmir?

--->Katrina: No. I have no idea where it is. My mother and my father ' when they split, we were very young. And for reasons my mom would like to keep private, they went their separate ways and the contact after that was very, very bare minimal. So my dad, unfortunately, and not out of choice, has had no influence on our upbringing, on our religious or social or moral bearings. Whatever it has been ' it's just been my mother.

--->Interviewer: You speak about how you think this way or that way because of your growing up ' but don't speak much about what your growing up was like.

--->Katrina: It's because my growing up is too complex! It'd take 10 articles and probably a book to discuss that. Most people may find that funny, some may find it hard to believe, some may find it boring. It's just that our family has one of the most interesting lives, due to the one simple fact that my mother, at a very young age, decided that she wanted to dedicate her life to social causes, to NGOs. And the organizations she worked with throughout her life work in countries that are currently in what you would call ' state of crisis is a bit much, but, yes, a state of dire need. So our transitions in growing up were ' from Hong Kong where I was born, to China, then to Japan, and from Japan by boat to France. That's one of the few clear memories I have as a child because on that boat ride, everyone was sick ' except me. And it's a long, long boat ride from Japan to France!

--->Interviewer: How old were you?

--->Katrina: About 8. After France, Switzerland – and I'm cutting out many East European countries where we were for only a few months each – then Poland, in Krakow. Since I've seen so many huge, huge drastic things, my mind has become a little
bit like, there are sections, and I rarely tap into those sections because there is too much information to comprehend.
I think it was sometime around the Berlin Wall fell, I remember the sense of extreme depression and misery over the whole city – and the image of everyone waiting in line for bread, that was the situation at that time, that image has stayed in my head for ever.
After that we went to Belgium, then to Hawaii, which was a short time, and then came to London, and then we were there for about three years. But because my mother is originally from Bath, which is in the UK, people always have this thing that I grew up in London. Which is funny, because I have only spent all of three years there.

--->Interviewer: Which is less than what you have spent in Mumbai after you came here from London .

--->Katrina: Much less! It's funny, confusing also. Which is why I don't spend much time remembering or recalling or reminiscing, even generally now, even the last few years. I think I have developed this sort of pattern that I need to let go of things very quickly in my mind in terms of incidents and information ' because there is too much of information and too many incidents in my head, because of the lifestyle we had while growing up. Uprooting and re-rooting oneself... it's very important to not start sifting things in your mind, not to reminisce too much, it can get too complex in your head otherwise. Life is a journey... for some it is mundane, for some its ordinary, for some its bizarre, and for some its completely unpredictable. I think mine has been completely unpredictable so far.

--->Interviewer: Right, at 8, in Poland, you would have hardly dreamt that at 18 you would be shooting for a movie in Mumbai.

--->Katrina: No way. See, this is what I mean. If I am now going to sit and think about this thought, too many things will come flooding into my head, and you can be overwhelmed by that. So I try not to analyse it too much. When people hear me talk, a lot of times my comments are along a certain line ' and I can hear the way I sound, I'm not dumb ' I am aware that people must be thinking that she's trying to sound nice by saying "I'm so grateful" but the fact of the matter is that it is a very basic gratitude. On a generic level, on a very basic level, I am very very grateful for all that I have achieved.
From where I come, not growing up in any kind of luxurious life, or a life with much security, I really wanted to have that kind of security. I wanted to have security for myself, for our whole family, and these were the things I wanted to get, and I have. Life has patterns, I've noticed. There will be phases of extreme happiness, there will be months of extreme work and they'll just go by without you even realizing as you worked 12 hours every day, and there will be phases when your mind will be just be coping.

--->Interviewer: What state is it right now?

--->Katrina: Now I'm in a kind of a funny, mixed phase. I've come to terms with a few things. And those things that I've come to terms with are that I don't have the answers right now to a lot of things in my life. I'm not entirely clear. I don't see clearly my direction or my future ' but I have to accept that. It has been very hard for me to accept this.
For most of this year I've been struggling and asking myself, how can I be this person who doesn't have the answers, doesn't have this exact clarity in her head. I've always been this black and white and I've believed in that. So how could I be this person who doesn't have the answers? This thing I could not handle. Even now it is hard for me to accept ' but now I am a little bit at peace with the thought that I don't have all the answers right now. It's a phase. I have that much trust in God. I do believe that there is the hand that is guiding me and protecting me, for lack of a better word. So I believe that this is a phase, I need to get through it, and I will, and everything will then be clear.
At the same time I am hugely appreciative, I am able to see how the last 5 years in this industry have been. In the midst of all my turmoil and the battling with myself and the time and the stress, you don't need go dancing on table tops each night, but you should appreciate things, find a little time to sit back and say, even if its not all there tomorrow, I did see something pretty amazing.

--->Interviewer: People don't give allowance for your age when you're a star? Anyone else in your place would be allowed to have a fair share of doubts at 26, to be perhaps confused right now... there's also the impression that star tie-ups and break-ups are part of publicity campaigns, aren't they?

--->Katrina: I'm not in a state of confusion. I'm in a state of...

--->Interviewer: ...transition?

--->Katrina: No, not even that. I am in a state of nothing. There is nothing. When people keep pressing for answers and keep saying this thing or that thing ' this happened on the set, you're fighting with this person or you're not fighting with this person. It's actually not true. I'm just in a place where it's... quiet. There isn't anything at all in that place, that people seem to want there to be.

--->Interviewer: You have been talking about 'maybe a career', 'maybe marriage', 'as it comes'... all this is part of coming to peace with things now?

--->Katrina: I would say it's getting there, I can't say its all there, but I'm trying... its part of my trajectory. I do want to have children, I do want to get married, I think most women do. But my life is so unpredictable that I have to believe that what has to happen will happen. However wrong I may think I have gone or I am going ' however daunting the thought of this unknown before me is, whatever has to happen, it will happen. I have seen it happen enough times. You can't expect otherwise.
There's no other approach you can take, else you drive yourself insane worrying about things that are not actually in your control. And if you talk about marriage, you're talking about a meeting of two minds. And you can never control another person's mind, that's almost an impossibility, so that makes it not entirely in my control. So I'd rather leave it to my destiny and in God's hands.
What's really meant for me ' that'll happen. At least that's the easy way to think about it (laughs), or we'd all be just wallowing in the mud of self pity.

--->Interviewer: A lot of actresses give those "I don't have time for a personal life, I am only focusing on work for the next few years" type of quotes over and over again. How real is that?

--->Katrina: I think 80% of the people who are saying that, for them it's true. And I'll tell you how. It happens without you noticing. You notice it's happened after it's already happened. You wake up one morning and you realize ' when was the last time you went out with a group of friends? Friends ' not the friends in terms of the people you are currently working with. Not the group of the director, co-star, writer, assistant directors, of the film you're currently working in, or just worked on. Not that group. But a group of friends who you just chill with, nothing to do with work. Or when have you last taken out the time for your family, for the people in your life?
You sit down with a calendar and this is how it goes ' this date has to be given to this brand, that date has to be given to that brand, these 20 days have to be given to this film. And then there are these three shows, and these shows represent an enormous amount of money, and as we don't do films that we don't believe in for the sake of money, we turn them down, but you also need to secure yourself financially, so these shows are important. And so you have this half an hour meeting with your manager, and you have no days off. And it's as simple as that! That month, in that half an hour meeting, is gone.
There will be enough people saying that you can balance your personal life while doing all this, and I suppose you can, but it takes a very strong connection between two people and a very strong determination to make the effort and make it work. Otherwise what happens is that you just let it go...The people who manage to last despite all this are those who either are already married or get married, which is why it's all good, or are in a live-in relationship, or are working damn hard at it.
It's an old, boring statement, but it's not a 9-to-5 profession, not if you're passionate about it. And, for a girl, I still believe that, unfortunately, while there are people like Kajol and Aishwarya who even after marriage have amazing careers, those are people who are exceptions to the more standard rule. So, if the industry keeps evolving, and the lifespan of an actresses' career expands a little, that would be great for us, because that would allow us to relax a little more! Till then...

--->Interviewer: Is it all work and drudgery, then?

--->Katrina: I'll tell you something. It took me a few years in the industry to start enjoying my work. See, I'd thought I'd achieved everything I could in modeling. Then I turned to films, as challenge. Not for any other reason. I had no knowledge, no mission, no burning ambition that I have to become this successful actress. It was not even a sight that I saw. Not that I could not see myself succeeding, but something like this ' where I am today ' was just not on my horizon. It was just a challenge for me. I was like ' I don't know anything about filmmaking, I don't know where the camera is, nothing. I had to learn everything step by step. How to handle the camera, how to angle your body, the lighting ' and the first and foremost thing, to get comfortable with the language, that itself took me a few years. Now there's nothing I don't understand, maybe a few Urdu words here and there, but that's about it...
New York was the first film I felt free, felt that I could also contribute, felt a little more confident, you know. I kind of had a feel for things now, I was comfortable. So, for me, things are different now... it's all been continuous after then. It's now that I've started to enjoy my work, to love the art of what I'm doing, rather than just being ' at 7 o' clock, I've to be at the sets with my make up and a nice costume, you know?

--->Interviewer: Isn't there a tendency to attribute all your professional success to hyphenated situations? Katrina's co-star is fab and the chemistry they share is amazing; Katrina's director is a whiz and he / she has pulled off a cracker; Katrina's got this really big movie but that's because her someone special lobbied; Katrina's looking so good in that item number, imagine the hard work her dance director would have done...

--->Katrina: (laughs) Right...

--->Interviewer: But that doesn't happen with everyone. For most stars, at least once in a while, people stand up and say, this actor's really delivered, she's the star of the moment...

--->Katrina: Hmm... Yea In Katrina's case, she never delivers ' the situation...Yeah, the situation delivers (laughs)

--->Interviewer: ...yes, in each case, isn't it that you always have a 49% share of credit in anything going well, never a 51? Is the industry still coming to terms with you?

--->Katrina: See, that's a very complicated thought... It's a thought which has too many approaches to it. The first one is that however, as a woman in this industry, you look at your status or your situation, there will always be criticism, and there will always be situations and facets where you may fear that you're given a little less than you should, like you said, undersold perhaps.
The way I see it is that there must be so many people who are genuinely beautiful, genuinely fantastic dancers, fluent in Hindi, also with acting training, who must also be looking at me from time to time and asking ' how has she got these positions and these chances and we have not? Those people must be feeling very undercut.
So, when I see the situation from that way, I see that the point you are making ' which is a valid point ' I still, even though I know the language, I still have an accent when I dub the films...In Raajneeti there's a faint accent, I've worked hard, but it's still there. Even with these things, the industry has ' even if, as you say, reluctantly ' has accepted me, I work with the biggest directors, the biggest people.
But there are moments when I sometimes feel that, when I see if some people are doing good work, and are being celebrated for their wonderful performances, even if the films have not done so well ' I find myself asking my friends and colleagues that I hope I am given that same kind of...

--->Interviewer: ... leeway if your films don't do well?

--->Katrina: Yeah, leeway, if, God forbid, there comes a time when my films don't fare so well at the box office, I hope that I'm also given that sort of treatment, that hits and flops happen, that you carry on, move on, it's ok. It's the only question that comes up in my mind. And to be honest, I've mostly worked with hugely commercially proven-worth directors, where have I really gone beyond that apart from Kabir Khan who was a second-time director? So I guess it's fair, I cannot take the sole credit for the success of any of my films, and I'm ok with that.

--->Interviewer: Not questioning any of this. Still, my point, in one line: Dil se appreciation for Katrina Kaif, standalone, is difficult to extract, from either the media or the industry. True or false?

--->Katrina: True.